| 1. It is very important to BELIEVE a woman who tells you she is being abused. Often times, a women will tell shelter staff that no one has ever believed her before. Remember, abusers can be very manipulative, and often successfully manage to convince counselors, ministers, and family members that she is the crazy or abusive partner. |
5. Understand her difficulty in leaving or asking for help. Help her problem-solve.
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| 2. Insist that the violence or abuse is NOT HER FAULT -- nothing she does or doesn't do causes her partner to be violent. This is a choice he makes on his own about what will make him angry and how he will react. No one deserves to be beaten! Help her to feel that she is worth better treatment than this. |
6. SUPPORT HER DECISIONS. Stick with her as friend and supporter, even if she does not proceed as you feel she should. This does not mean you can't point out to her that you are afraid for her if she stays -- but try to understand the reasons why she may stay anyhow, and be supportive of what she feels she needs. |
| 3. Tell her where she can get help (shelter, restraining order, etc.). Offer to go along and stay with her through the process. |
7. NEVER MAKE PROMISES OR GIVE FALSE INFORMATION, such as the police or a lawyer will do such-and-such. Encourage her or help her to contact the authorities herself to ask questions and get accurate information, preferably at a time when she's not in crisis and will have time to think about her options.
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| 4. NEVER MINIMIZE the seriousness of the violence or the potential for danger. Tell her that it will very likely escalate as time goes on. |
8. Encourage her to have a SAFETY PLAN that includes when and how she will leave or call for help, and where she can go to be safe. Having such a plan ahead of time, before a crisis occurs, may help her to act on it automatically the next time her partner threatens violence.
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